Is Pole Dancing For Every Woman?

The handspring, summersault, tumble, suicide dive… fun, challenging, yet crazy, death-defying tricks! This is one of the reason’s pole fitness is so satisfying. Women are setting personal goals, and then work their bodies consistently week by week in order to overcome these new challenges. I think that’s why so many women come back to pole dancing time and time again. We are always challenged. Thanks to YouTube, we have a whole new curriculum available online that inspires and drives us. Not to mention, attending workshops after workshop with professional pole dancers that amaze us and propel us even further. As an instructor at Unveiled Fitness in Orange County, CA, I see woman bust their butts during the warm-up, enduring song after song of abs and planks, then trying to perfect a trick or movement with fervor. They are pushing their bodies further than they thought possible. It is both inspiring and humbling.

Yet, this can be intimidating as well, thoughts like, “Will I get hurt?” “Could I fall?” “Am I too old?” or “Am too out of shape to do some of these tricks?” run through many women’s minds. Followed with, “do these concerns mean I can’t take pole class anymore?”

What about the women who want to be fit, have fun, dance, do some mildly challenging tricks, and then get back to their lives? Is there a place for these women in pole class if they decide they can’t risk being injured, they don’t want to have bruises or they are just too afraid to give it a shot? Certainly yes!

While the tricks are the impressive and fun, they are only part of pole fitness. I think pole fitness has become so popular because it is for every woman! Just spinning around the pole evokes images of being a young girl on the playground; whipping her hair, feeling like she is flying, and just having fun. It allows women to be present in their bodies, to tend to their well-being and to enjoy the company of like-minded women.

We give so much to our families, our jobs, our friends, that just connecting to ourselves, feeling our feelings and pushing our bodies past our expectations is a luxury and necessity at the same time. We look forward to our workouts. What gets women into the door seems to be the novelty of the pole, but what keeps them hooked is the unique way a woman can express herself through the movement.

The tricks are amazing but what really takes my breath away is the grace and flow of the movement, it is slow and sensual, indulgent and intoxicating. The small gestures unique to each woman allow you to take a peek at who she is inside. The dancing is an expression of her emotion; a glimpse into her soul. It is a gift that the women give themselves and it is an honor to be a part of it. I am privileged to see their vulnerabilities, their strength, and their truest nature. So whether there are pole tricks or not, the most beautiful part of pole dancing is that these women show us themselves.

An Expression of One's Essence Through Movement

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
– Anna Quindlen

I had the pleasure of attending a pole dancing class recently where upper level students from another studio decided to give Unveiled Fitness a try. The owner, Kristin, welcomed them and they added an exciting dynamic to an already amazing and talented class.

It was a big group, over 12 girls. Kristin thought about separating the class but we all wanted to be together as a group and take advantage of the good energy. The regular Unveiled Fitness girls were very warm and welcoming and the new girls seemed to appreciate the sentiment. Kristin gave us a demanding warm-up as usual and afterwards; as is customary, we ended with a moving medication. Most of the new girls moved off the studio floor to watch the UF girls do their thing. A few new girls stayed on the floor and seemed to enjoy a chance to show off their skills.

The pole portion was fun as the entire group played with the summersault and cartwheel and fine tuned a variety of upper level tricks. During the dance potion, we danced in groups and it had a great energy. Lots of support and admiration from both groups directed at each other. The new girls were strong in their tricks and had a great time showing what they could do. Everyone appreciated their talent, strength and execution.

I loved the opportunity to see what a different studio offers, what tricks they do, the transitions, floor work and how it is all put together. I was very impressed and yet, I was so proud of the girls from Unveiled. No matter what tricks they implemented into their improving, it was mesmerizing. Even the most basic moves have so much passion and authenticity, like the way one’s gentle wrist may curve, the sway in their back, the slow sensual effortless swerve while circling their hips. I was led to the conclusion that pole dancing, pole fitness or whatever it is being called right now, can be separated into categories; as a form of gymnastics, male entertainment, fitness, and as an expression of one’s essence through movement.

Realistically, most women that walk through the door of a pole dancing studio won’t compete in any pole dancing competitions. Most of us don’t have the time, genetics, talent or desire to train in order to become the World Pole Dance Champion. Also, contrary to popular belief, most women don’t train to become a stripper at your local Gentlemen’s club. What gets women into the door seems to be the fitness aspect, but what keeps them hooked is the unique way a woman can express herself through the movement.

That was so evident during last week’s class when every woman at Unveiled blew me away with their dancing. It was so riveting and true. The tricks were amazing by both sets of girls but what really struck me was the grace and flow in even the smallest of movements, it was slow and sensual, indulgent and intoxicating. The small gestures unique to each woman allowed you to take a peek at who she is inside. The tricks were an expression of her emotion; a glimpse into her soul. It was a gift the women gave themselves and it is an honor to be a part of it. I was privileged to see what they are about, their vulnerabilities, their strength, including their inner strength and their truest nature. So whether the pole tricks are there or not, the most beautiful part of their dancing is that these women show us themselves.

The Myth of Sexy: 10 Surprising & Simple things to do to reclaim your sexy side.

sexy [ˈsɛksɪ] adj
1. provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest
2. feeling sexual interest; aroused
3. interesting, exciting, or trendy

I’m going to scream, seriously, scream! If another woman walks into my pole dancing class and says she’s not the kind of woman that is sexy or she doesn't see herself as sexy, I will scream. Then shake her! (I’m not really as violent as I sound but I am frustrated!) I have years of experience seeing women come into my class with no clue as to how beautiful and sexy they really are. It is so sad for me that these women don’t claim what is rightfully theirs. We are created to be sexy and somehow, life gets in the way and we either forgot it or we never fully embraced it. But, it is there!

In our twenties, it’s easy to feel sexy. You are fresh-faced, hopeful, easily excited and ready for anything. Your body is strong, shapely and designed to get attention. But as life moves forward, maybe you've suffered a few hard knocks, had your heart broken (possibly many times), got married, had children, suffered the death of loved one and frankly, just got older; you no longer feel sexy or desirable. There is a realization that something is missing in your life but you’re not sure what it is or how to reclaim it or even if you should.

Does this mean you no longer have “it”? Is “it” gone forever? Not necessarily, after years of teaching women of all ages, sizes, and shapes, I can assure you, you haven’t lost it! Maybe it’s buried deep down or has never been really excavated, but it is there, I promise. So how to do get it back?

I have found 10 surprising and simple things to do to get it back. I said “surprising” because it’s not what you think. I’m not asking you to shorted your skirts, wear heels or show cleavage. And “simple” because the concepts make sense but they are not “easy”, two very different things. Being sexy is overwhelmingly powerful and standing in your power is not an easy thing to do. Simple, yes, but easy, no! So open up your mind and getting rid of old stereo-types you may have about sexy. It’s worth a try, I promise!

1. Redefine “sexy”, not just Victoria Secret sexy or Sports Illustrated sexy. Nowhere in the definition above does it say, “beautiful, shapely, big breasts, perfect skin, glossy hair, and flawless”. While models or celebrities may be a collective version of sexy, it is not the only one. Look at women you know that you find sexy. More likely than not, they are regular looking women with a great attitude, comfort in their bodies and a warm contagious smile.

2. Start from where you are. Don’t think because you never thought you were sexy before that you can’t be sexy from this point forward. Just the desire to be sexy is a great starting point to finding your version of sexy.

3. Change your attitude about sexy. We are designed to be attractive to the opposite sex. The hourglass-shaped body on a woman implies fertility and good mothering. This doesn't mean 36-24-36. It means there is a ratio that is considered attractive and most women have this ratio (to learn more about that ratio, checkout this site, http://www.romanfitnesssystems.com/blog/the-golden-ratio-the-perfect-body/) Take good care of yourself, your body, your mind and the sexy will follow.

4. Don’t limit yourself. Stop saying you can’t! I know for sure you can. Your self-talk is so important. How can you thrive if you are constantly telling yourself that you cannot do what you want to do? I often tell my students they are not allowed to say “can’t” in my class. Why? Because they can. I know they can even if they don’t but their words prevent them from digging in their heels (stilletos in this case) and giving it their all.

5. Don’t let others define you or put in a “box”. You are not just a mother, daughter, or sibling. Nor are you just a class clown, cute as a button, or a serious businesswoman. You have many facets and acknowledging other facets of your personality not only makes you more interesting, it makes you sexy.

6. Don’t compare yourself to others. No one is a better you than you! Embrace your special gifts and talents and appreciate other women’s gifts and talents. Comparing is futile and destructive. Destructive because it undermines your self-love. Focus on what you do well, laugh at what you don’t and love yourself for all you little idiosyncrasies.

7. Ask for what you want. What you really want, not what you think you should want, ex. kids, career, husband, boyfriend, soft serve yogurt vs. premium ice cream. Knowing what you want increases your self confidence and relieves you of over pleasing and being wishy-washy, neither is sexy.

8. Dress to feel fabulous for yourself. Forget about short skirts or cleavage if you are uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable prevents you from being your best self. Wear what makes you feel amazing. The better you feel, the more likely you are to push the envelope and play with clothing. If you feel great exposing more skin and showing off your body, then go right ahead. Forget about what's in style or what other people may think, claim your space in this world.

9. Focus on what you love about your body. Stop beating yourself up for extra weight, stretch marks and cellulite. We all have it or will be getting it shortly. Get over it and love your body for what it can do for you. Focus on its mobility, health and the mere fact that you can take another breathe. Life it too short to hate the vehicle you are traveling in. Or change it! But doing nothing and hating your body is just a waste of time.

10. Find the fun. Emotions are contagious. Don’t believe me, be in a room with sad, depressed and unhappy people for even an hour and notice how you feel. Conversely, focus on the joys in life and what you love about yourself and others and you become a people magnet. People want to be around you. Flirt, laugh and enjoy every experience. It’s very sexy!

None of the about involves what a man finds sexy. Because sexy isn't about what men think, it’s about how you feel. Feel sexy, happy and confident and you will attract more than your fair share of attention and if not, who cares? You’re having a blast!